I have recently gotten into the show "17 Kids and Counting" on TLC. Well, now it's "18 Kids and Counting" as the mom just had her 18th child. Basically, it follows this family from Arkansas that does not believe in birth control and thus, has 18 children. You'd think these people would be completely looney, but they're not. They are very conservative-all the girls have long hair and don't wear pants, they are home schooled, and they watch very little TV and listen to almost no music (except hymns). But, they are very loving, committed parents and their kids don't seem neglected or resentful. They are better behaved than my kids and their house runs like a well-oiled machine. If you are going to have 18 children, you need to do it like these people.
Their reason for no birth control is based on the belief that they will take however many children God chooses to bless them with. When God closes Michelle's (the mom) womb, they will be done. Until then, it's open season! As a Christian, I completely respect their reason. And they seem to have the finances (they are completely debt free-including their ginormous house) to support such a large family. But my question is this: should all Christians follow this "God is in control of the size of my family" plan?
A couple of years ago, we had a guest speaker at our church. He maintained that we should have as many children as possible in order to raise a large generation of Christians. Apparently this is the plan in the Muslim community and in order to keep up, we need to start breeding. He made some good points. He did feel that you should be able to physically and financially be able to support the children, so it was ok to stop when you tapped out those resources.
My siser-in-law has a sweet friend who is following this plan. They are expecting their 3rd child. They have only been married around 4 years (basically got pregnant on their honeymoon). The mom, of course, stays home. The dad is not very well paid and they are on governmet assistance. So are they right to continue to have more kids? It seems like a bad plan to me to have baby after baby when dad barely makes enough to cover their mortgage. Basically, we are paying for their decision as she and the children are on Medicaid and food stamps. To say nothing about the quality of life issues. But, I have met this woman, and she is not a crazy person. She and her husband love the Lord and feel this is what He wants for their family. But from the outside looking in, I just can't imagine the stress in their life.
Now, it seems, given our fertility issues, that I would be all about this plan. From believing myself to be barren, to finding out I'm really quite fertile, you'd think I'd be more than willing to let God be in charge. But here's the rub for me. How does faith in the supremacy of God and knowledge of basic biology go together? Obviously, when there was no birth control, everyone was on this plan. But now that we have been given a small glimpse into how this whole thing works, are we right to control it? (I know we may be venturing into the whole cloning and genetic manipulation debate, but I'm strictly talking family planning here.) I have no doubt that if we came off birth control, I would become pregnant again. But I've had two C-sections. My doctor would grudgingly perform 1 more C-section on me and that's it. He told me he only does 3 and after that, I'd have to find myself a new doctor. I trust this man (who is a Christian) and I read between the lines at my 6 week post partum with Harper when he looked me in the eyes and said that we really needed to get on some birth control. He thinks my womb should be closed for business. Now, let's be clear, there is no doubt in my mind that God is bigger than the Mirena and if we are meant to have more children, we will. But by using the Mirena, am I sinning? Am I not trusting God? Am I not following God's will?
I know my answer to these questions, but what do you think? Please post some comments and we'll discuss more next week.
Thirty minutes ago, I had HAD IT!! I was storming down the stairs after all but throwing my kids into their PJ's and into bed. My thought was "Am I really going to miss this"? (There's a country song out right now that claims I will!) Am I really going to miss being stared at in public because my daughter is screaming for all she's worth while my son runs around like an idiot in the store? Am I going to miss cleaning up the crayons for the 10th time today and scrubbing marker (thank you Crayola for Washables) off the table and my daughter's hand? This is HARD. I am TIRED. I want my husband to come HOME (he was in TX overnight for work). I don't like being a mom, I'm not cut out for this, I haven't had a day off in 4 years, I'd like to take it all back. I want to go out for dinner and a movie and not worry about how much the sitter is costing us. I'd like to clean my house and have it stay that way for an entire hour. And the list goes on...
Then a little voice calls to me from the top of the stairs (over the melodious sounds of Harper screaming in her crib) "Mommy, I'm ready to go to bed. Will you come upstairs and put the covers on me?" I had told Garrett he could play in his room, but then he was to go to bed. So I've had about 10 minutes to cool down and I think, let me go upstairs and get Harper, we'll read two books in Garrett's bed (as is our tradition) and I'll try to put her back down and get Garrett tucked in as well. Deep breath, I'm going back in...
Get Harper who has the "snubs" (as we call it) she's been crying so hard. Garrett picks out a book and we read it. A jaunty little tale about two boys who find a fox in the woods, bring it home, give it water, mop it's fur to cool it down and let it sleep in a box. It's later reunited in the forest with it's family. Seriously...how do some books get published?? Apparently, this one is teaching Garrett phonics, but I'm worried about unrealistic animal expectations. And then it's Harper's turn to pick out a book. And what does she come back with?? My little tiny girl who today was doing a fine impression of a demonic possession comes back to me (tears still on her cheeks, mind you) with "I'll Love You Forever" !!! Normally, I cannot read this book because I cry every time. I think about telling her to pick another one, but Harper usually lets you read about 3 pages of the book before flipping to the end, so I figure I'll start it...no way I'll get to finish it...no worries about tears. Plus, why would I cry? I hate being a mom, right?
So I begin. And don't you know that little minx sat through the entire thing without touching a page! Of course, I'm crying so hard by the end I'm whispering the words. Garrett is singing along with me asking me why the boy is so sad at the end.
All kidding aside, it's moments like those when I KNOW beyond the shadow of a doubt that God exists. He knew I was frazzled and at the end of my rope tonight. He knew I shouldn't let my kids go to bed while I was still angry at them. And He knew I needed that reminder that I was never promised these children and He freely gave them both to me; two beautiful, radiantly healthy kids.
I still find it hard to believe that I will truly miss this, but I know that I will never regret this.
So every year I say I'm not going to make any resolutions because I'm not disciplined enough to keep them and then I just end up feeling worse about myself. But, because I am a planner, and a new year is like a blank piece of paper just begging for a list, I always come up with something I try to stick to. Plus, this year I have a little bit more confidence in myself. Last year, I read through the entire New Testament! I think the Bible I used is in the Books section of the blog. It's a daily reading thing and I actually did it...for a whole year. This year I'm tackling the Chronological Bible and so far, so good. So hopefully, this time next year I'll be able to say I've read the entire Bible. I must say that I am very proud of myself. I NEVER stick to stuff like that.
So it's in that same vein that I have set up for myself a resolution for 2009. This is the year where I will finally shed the term lazy as a description of myself. 2009 will be my year of productivity. The biggest thing that this changes in my life is that I am no longer going to think about doing something for an hour when I could just do it and be done with it in 10 minutes. Plus, I really don't have a choice. It's either be productive or be run over by the chaos that threatens to consume my life. Now that I'm working, I really have to be on the ball. I am cleaning up as I go, having the kids be better about picking up after themselves and making myself a schedule at the beginning of every week of what I'm going to do in the evenings after the kids go to bed.
Part of this is now I'm going to try and blog every Thursday night (if not more). I actually have a lot of things I'd like to discuss here and I just need to prioritize doing it. In cleaning up my work laptop I came across an article I started writing and think I may share some of it with you to get some feedback. Of course there are always my fascinating insights on motherhood, plus good old fashioned bragging about the brilliance of my children. I'm not a journaler, but I find this blog to be very therapeutic for me, so I need to go with what works.
Now I'm a bit behind tonight because I didn't finish everything from last night, so my entry is short tonight. I mostly just wanted the accountability. Feel free to post hateful comments if you see nothing new next Friday!
But for now, I'm off to do a diaper cake for Candy's friend, Emily. If you live near me and are interested in having me make one for you, please let me know. I really enjoy making them! Maybe next week I'll post some pictures of the ones I've done so far.
