From Three to Four

So, I started a new blog on blogspot. I have been frustrated for quite some time with the functionality of this blog, so I've done a bit of research and decided blogspot is a better fit for me.  I'm not deleting this blog, but this will be my last post on it.  I have put a link to the new blog under my links to the left.
To entice you over to the new blog, I started it with the main purpose of chronicling my 33rd year of life.  Yesterday was my birthday and I've decided to add some excitement to a rather mundane birthday by jumping in to Project 365 (where you take a picture for each day for an entire year).  But instead of doing it from January to January, I'm doing it from birthday to birthday.
Come on over...the grass really is greener over there! :)

Got the results of my biopsies this afternoon.  Overall, it was good news, but the journey is far from over.
First, my salivary (or parotid) gland...
The biopsy came back as benign.  The doctor said that it is entirely possible that I have some chronic inflammation in the gland that will go away by itself.  For right now, there is no treatment and we will just keep an eye on it.  Very good news there as that surgery carries some fairly significant risks (like facial paralysis).

Secondly, my thyroid...
The biopsy came back as benign here as well, though it was a little less clear.  The biopsy indicated the presence of some follicular cells, which could be bad.  There are two types of thyroid cancer and one of them is follicular.  Because of the sample size of the biopsy, it is unclear whether these follicular cells are malignant or not.  There are benign follicular neoplasms (another word for "mass") as well.  For now, we are in yet another holding pattern.  I had more blood drawn (sigh-3 tries, 2 nurses) to test the function of my thyroid and will get those results next week.

Overall, it is good news.  I will NOT be having surgery anytime very soon.  I will likely have to redo the CT scan and possibly the thyroid biopsy again in August or so.  I will also be seeing an endocrinologist in the near future, especially if the blood work done today indicates thyroid functioning problems.  That could end up being very positive, as my weight gain and fatigue could not be Harper's fault, but my thyroid's!!

Thanks again for all your prayers!  It is more appreciated than I can say.

I don't have an update yet on the results of the biopsies.  The doctor's office called me this morning to confirm the appointment on Friday, so hopefully the results will be in by then.
I do have an update on how I'm doing.  A lot of people have been asking me how I'm doing these past few days.  Their concern is heart-warming and the prayers are felt and appreciated.  However, up until yesterday, I didn't know how I felt.  I think I've finally figured it out.
My overwhelming emotion is not fear or worry, like you'd expect.  As I mentioned in my other post, I'm not thinking either of these things is life-threatening and I feel like all the doctors I've seen are very competent and aggressive, so there is not that type of worry.  My overwhelming feeling is depression.  In thinking through what the best possible outcome could be on Friday, what could make me happy leaving the office, I decided it would be if I went in there and he said both were benign and that they didn't need to do anything else to treat me and I could go home.  But that's not going to happen.  Even if they are benign, we're still going to have to make decisions regarding surgery risks and I'm still probably going to have to have more tests, more blood work, and more doctor's appointments.  Oh, how I dread that.
I will do a post Friday or Saturday to let you know what I find out.  In the meantime, if you could pray for that depression to lift and my outlook to improve, I would appreciate it.

Have you missed me?  To say that May has flown by in a whirlwind of activity is an understatement.  I am finally looking ahead to a week that is not jam packed with work events, home events, and Jason traveling and I have so much to catch up on!  So now my week will be jam packed with taking care of all the things I let slide while dealing with all the other things I have been dealing with.  Yippee!
The last 3 weeks have not been the greatest of my life.  They have certainly not been the worst, but when I am thinking back to May 2009, it's not going to be with pleasure.  And, no, it's not just because I'm turning 33 soon (the age that Jesus died!).  In fact, it has absolutely nothing to do with turning one year older.
Around the last week of April, I woke up on Monday morning with a knot on the left side of my jaw.  It was sore.  I have had trouble with the salivary gland on my right side for years.  It gets clogged from time to time and swells and it uncomfortable for a day or two, no big deal.  This was odd in that it was on the left side and it felt a bit different.  Thinking it would go away in a day or two, I did nothing, said nothing to anyone.  Fast forward one week and it's still there-not at all painful, but very clearly a lump.  Called the doctor, got seen that afternoon.  Scariest appointment of my life.  Doctor looked up my nose, down my throat, in my ears, and then felt the lump, both from inside my mouth and outside.  Took a grand total of 45 seconds.  Pulls off his gloves and says "OK, we're going to send you for a CT scan"
Fast forward a couple of days, get the CT scan.  Not the best experience, but certainly not the worst.  It felt like I peed in my pants when the iodine contrast was inserted in my IV, but the nurse warned me about that and assured me that I hadn't.
Fast forward a couple more days and I go back to my doctor for the results.  He doesn't have the full report and is reading off a Post-It note the phone nurse had written on when the radiologist called.  I find this out after I have waited TWO HOURS in the waiting room while my husband and children sit in the car as we are on our way to Augusta for Jason's cousin's wedding. I have a tumor in my parotid gland (translation: salivary gland).  Now these things are almost always benign and even if mine's malignant, we've caught it very early and it can just be removed.  Then the doctor said two words you do not want to hear come out of his mouth when he's just said the word "tumor".  "But also" they found a "mass" in your thyroid.  That could be a couple of things, most are benign, but I'm now off to follow up with an ENT.
Did I mention the DRIVE conference is the next week?  Biggest event of the year at work.  4 days of practically living at the church.  Long days, on feet most of the time.
Last day of Drive meet with the ENT.  He recommends biopsies on both places and then we'll decide what we're going to do.  Really liked him and love his office staff.  I feel much better about the whole deal because even if it's the worst case scenario (cancer), the treatment is surgery, for both.  No chemo, no radiation, "just" surgery.
Had both biopsies this week.  Thyroid (which is in your throat) was on Monday.  Not bad.  Parotid was Thursday.  Had to be somewhat sedated for that one as you have to be really still and it hurts pretty bad.  I was semi-conscious, but I didn't care what was going on.  I can totally see why people get addicted to drugs.  It ain't a bad feeling.
Am still pretty sore.  Am not looking forward to recovering from that surgery, should it be necessary.  Also, it is considered major surgery as there is a facial nerve very close to the parotid that could get damaged in the surgery.  Good times.
I go for my follow up with the ENT, where I will get results this Friday, the 22nd.  It's going to be a long week.
I had a really good attitude the first couple of weeks.  I just kept thinking that I wasn't going to panic until I knew what I was dealing with.  Plus I had a ton of other things going on that kept my mind from dwelling on it too much.  I'm still not panicking.  I feel really confident with the care I'm receiving and feel like both things are in no way life-threatening, so I'm not super worried about the diagnosis.  However, the doctors appointments and tests are very wearing.  I feel very defeated right now.  I am overwhelmed.  I am also slightly optimistic that the nodule on my thyroid is behind my weight issue.  Then when I start thinking about that, I feel VERY defeated.  Then I feel silly that I'm worried about being overweight when I might have cancer, for heaven's sake.
Did I mention that Jason left for Poland Wednesday?  Luckily, my mom was here to help take care of the kids and me after the biopsy, but that was not my grand plan for her visit when we planned it, to say the least.
Anyway, I would appreciate your prayers.  I can honestly say that I'm not crazy stressed about this, but I'd be lying if I said I was fine.  What I'd really like is to go in there Friday and leave with a plan, not leave with more appointments and more tests.  I'm tired of being a pin cushion.

This story actually happened a couple of weeks ago, but it is too classic not to share here.  It does involve bodily functions, so maybe hold off reading if you're eating.  This definitely falls into the category of "things you NEVER thought were part of the Mom job description."
So it was a Saturday morning at the Russell house and we had a birthday party to go to around lunch.  Jason decided he and Garrett would go get the oil changed in the Pathfinder before it was time for us to leave.  Me and girly girl were going to stay and get pretty for the party.  So it's just me and Harper and she's just hanging with me in the bathroom rifling through drawers and trying to eat my makeup, as usual.  I happen to look over and notice she's getting the "face" that means #2 is imminent.  We have started to begin thinking about potty training, so I asked her if she wanted to poop on the potty and she said yes.  She's still in her PJ's and diaper from the night, so I just take all the bottom half off and get her on the toilet.  She pees and nothing else.  I have her sit there a second, but she keeps saying she's all done and starts to cry, so I get her off.  As I was in the middle of my makeup routine, I decide to leave her naked on the lower half, finish my makeup and then take her to get dressed.  She's standing on our scale because that gives her the two inches she needs to be able to see up onto our countertop and she starts to do this weird cry.  I look over and notice she's standing funny.  Then I look down.  She has peed on the scale and a little extra.  I see an enormous turd half on/half off the scale.  By the look on her face, I know she's not done, so I swoop down and grab her and head for the toilet.  What I didn't realize was turd #2 had already made it's appearance and when I grabbed her, it dropped to the floor (from a great height) AND I STEPPED IN IT.  With bare feet.  And I was still not to our toilet yet so I had to take a step with poop foot to get her on the pot.  Have I mentioned that we have a white tile bathroom floor?  You know what's hard to get of tile grout?  Poop that's been stepped on.
Now I am no stranger to bodily fluid grossness.  Garrett has thrown up over my shoulder, in my hair, and down my front under my shirt so it slid all warm and nasty down my stomach (and that was just Garrett).  I have caught throw up in my hand, had poop up under my fingernails, and been peed on more times than I can count.  I have changed an oozing poopy diaper on the tray table of the plane as it was landing, for goodness sakes. But somehow, stepping in someone else's poop with my bare feet was just so disgusting, I cannot even think about it without shivering.  Plus, it STUNK to high heaven and stepping in it just made it more angry.  Jason came home 20 minutes later when it had all been cleaned up, floor wiped down, and half a can of Oust sprayed, and he still stepped in the bathroom and asked "What is that smell??"
The one funny thing that happened was that after it was all cleaned and Harper was all dressed and pretty I watched her clean the bottom of her foot with a baby wipe saying "yucky, yucky" the whole time.  Want to know where she saw that?
No one EVER told me exactly how disgusting my life as a mother would be.  But even more surprising is that I have told that story to several people and have now typed it for all of you.  Not only did I step in poop, but I've told people about it. Never in a million years could I have seen that coming.

I am short on time tonight, but am stuck having to wait on the dogs to come back in, so here's 5 quick things. Think stream of consciousness...
1.  I am a big fan of Starbucks Caramel Apple Spice drink.  I'm sure it has 15,000 calories, but it is seriously good.  Plus, no coffee, so I don't have to worry about the caffeine keeping me up.
2.  Harper has hit personality #5.  Garrett was Garrett at 6 weeks old.  Harper has seriously had a couple different personalities in her 20 months on this Earth.  I am liking this one so far.  She's much more friendly than she used to be.
3. I painted my fingers and toes last night for the first time since, like, Christmas.  They look so pretty.  I would love to get a mani/pedi at a place, but finding the time is difficult.  These two small kids are really cutting into my free time!
4. I am really happy at my job.  I am finding that I am finally in a good groove and am able to get a lot accomplished each week.  I feel less and less like I am behind the 8 ball.  Really content right now.
5. Garrett and Harper had school pictures done this week.  I CANNOT wait to get these back.  Especially the class photos.  Shockingly, "Harper was unsure of the photographer, but he got some cute shots anyway" was the comment on her sheet that day.  Today's gem from the status sheet they send home everyday was the penny taped to it with the caption "found this in Harper's diaper".  The girl is stuffing money into her own diaper! 

Keeps me on my toes.  Have a great weekend!

**Quick update:  I wanted to explain my title.  I realized if you do not attend my church, you may take the title the wrong way.  Andy (my pastor) did a sermon a while back where he talked about "rich people problems".  His point was that compared to the rest of the world, every one of us are rich.  It has helped me keep perspective when I start to feel like a have-not, instead of the very obvious have that I am.  The title was my way of acknowledging that this is not really a problem, not my way of bragging about our financial circumstances!

I'm having a very strange quandry.    I will say at the outset that I am well aware that this not exactly a life-altering problem, but it's what I've been thinking about the past couple days and it's my blog, so here goes!
Pretty much since Harper was born, I have thought that having someone come clean my house on a regular basis sounded as close to heaven as I would ever see on this Earth.  But, of course, when I stayed home this was both unnecessary and no where near possible financially. At the beginning of last summer, I heard that my previous boss at church was maybe going to be moving to follow her husband's job.  At that time Jason and I were talking about what it would take to entice me to go back to work full-time (in the event that she moved and they offered me her job).  The first thing on my list was that it would have to provide enough money to cover childcare AND a maid.  Well, she didn't move, but I didn't actually go back to work for her, so that conversation was somewhat forgotten.  However, after about a month in to working 3 days a week, I quickly remembered why that was first on my list.  I find that there are truly not enough hours in the day to get it all done and keep my sanity.  Because I am paid for 30 hours of work a week, but only work 24 in the office, I have to make up 6 hours at home.  That basically works out to an hour a night.  Well, by the time the kids go to bed and we have cleaned up supper and straightened up, it's 9:00.  Then add my hour of work and we're looking at 10:00.  Anyone want to start deep cleaning their house at 10:00 at night?  I do have Wednesdays and Fridays, but those are our play/errand days.  I don't want to spend the 2 days I have at home with my kids cleaning.  I am quickly beginning to realize that my days at home with Garrett are drawing to a close and I don't want to look back and think that I had my priorities in the wrong place.  And perhaps the most convincing argument is that cleaning a house while 2 small children are at play is basically like pushing a rock up a hill.  I can think of maybe a handful of times when my entire house was clean all at the same time.  In order for the downstairs to be clean, I have to send the kids upstairs, which means the upstairs is a mess and vice versa.  Or I get finished cleaning the kitchen and move into the family room and just as I get that cleaned I turn around and Harper is dumping her juice out on my freshly mopped floor.  Oh, and did I mention the dogs?  Yeah, don't forget the shedding and muddy dog prints everywhere.  Good times.
Clearly, I am a walking advertisement for someone who could use the services of a maid.  However, during January and February our pastor did a sermon series on finances that our small group followed along with.  So bugeting and money and saving has dominated Jason and I's conversations here lately.  But, as I mentioned in an earlier post, my husband rocks at his job and has been rewarded financially for it.  In doing our buget in January I realized that hiring a maid was just not possible after getting the minivan (and I'd take the minivan everyday and twice on Sundays over a maid!).  But now with his raise, it seems that we can make a maid fit into our budget.  I have been lobbying for this for quite a long time and when word of his raise came in, it was the first thing I mentioned.  But now that the glorious time has arrived, I find myself dragging my feet about it.  We have really been trying to build up our savings and would really like to get the Honda paid off quickly.  I think I feel guilty about getting a maid.  On one hand I long to come home to a sparkly clean house, but on the other I come up with all these other things we could (and maybe should) do with the extra money.  Plus, it doesn't seem wise to up our expenses.  One thing that we'd really like to avoid is upping our lifestyle every time Jason gets a raise.  At some point, enough needs to be enough.
So I don't know what I'm going to do.  I've got the think about it a little longer.  Feedback always appreciated.

I am a little over halfway through my annual read through of the Harry Potter series.  This is one of my favorite traditions that I've started for myself.  This is my third year of doing it.  I'm now trying to pace myself a bit so that I finish up the series right around the time the Half-Blood Prince comes out in July.  But I'm on the fourth book and things tend to go pretty fast from here because the books are so good, I can't stop reading. 
I absolutely cannot wait to share these books with Garrett and Harper.  I got all excited, because my friend Kathy blogged that they started reading them with her daughter after Christmas.  The exciting thing for me is that her daughter is in the first grade and that's not too far away for Garrett.  Now, we will, of course, have to evaluate whether Garrett is ready for them, but I cannot wait.  Even now as I'm reading, I'm picturing myself curled up with Garrett reading aloud.  I remember my mom reading "To Kill A Mockingbird" out loud to me as a child and it remains my hands down favorite book of all time (hello, my dog is Scout and my daughter is Harper!).
My niece turned 6 a couple of weeks ago and we gave her "Ramona Quimby, age 8".  I was so excited about giving her this book.  Beverly Cleary basically defined my elementary school years and the Ramona series was my absolute favorite.  I can only hope that Graysan will begin her love affair with reading with this book.
I have not had a good month or so with my kids.  I am tired, I have very little patience, and I am really tired of taking care of them.  But reading HP and buying Ramona for Graysan has reminded me of what's ahead for me.  I still maintain that being a parent is great because you get a massive do-over with the benefit of your age and not having to do it again, but just watch it.  I will get to read Ramona again for the first time when I read it with Harper.  I will get to do my fake British accent when I read HP to Garrett-and that will forever be the voice he hears when he reads it on his own.
I am really trying not to wish away this phase of my kids lives.  But, it's hard when what is coming seems so much more fun than what I'm doing right now.  But I guarantee my week will be way more fun than my friend who brought her second son home from the hospital today!  It's all about perspective, I guess.

Again, no post last week.  Clearly, my year of productivity is not quite as productive as I would have liked (can you say unrealistic expectations?).  So for this week's installment, I'm going to share with you some things I have been thinking about lately and some questions that I have.  This is truly a sneak peek into my brain (consider yourself warned).

1.  Exactly how low can the stock market go?  I will be the first to admit that I know next to nothing about economics, but what will it mean if it drops below 7000?  At what point would we consider our economy "collapsed"?  And would that mean our country would get invaded and taken over?  Exactly how does this work?  Do I need to start learning a new language?

2. On a somewhat related note, and I'm really not trying to be political here, but when is someone in Obama's administration going to realize that every time he speaks, the stock market drops.  Isn't it time to send him to Camp David for the weekend??

3.  Who is the stylist for American Idol?  I'm assuming there is one.  But did I see someone wearing, like, pleather stretch pants under a dress on Tuesday?  And, I'm sorry, but shorts and high heels are not a fashion statement.  People used to make fun of southerners for doing it (Daisy Dukes comes to mind).  Apparently, she was just ahead of her time.  Is it a sign of getting older that I think "what the kids are wearing" looks terrible?  Seriously, like a bunch of rags thrown together?

4.  I really liked the Academy Awards this year.  I thought Hugh Jackman did fantastic.  I really liked the host not being a comedian-it seemed to take the pressure off to be funny, so it was.  I loved the previous winners introducing the nominees in the big categories.  That really felt honoring to all the nominees.  I can only imagine that the ones who didn't win still left the night feeling honored to have a legend say something flattering about them.  But I still have to ask...why are people who basically play "pretend" for a living seen as spokespeople for political issues?  I don't get the corollation there.  And frankly, I don't care what they think.

5.  Again, on a related note, what did you think of the Jen/Angelina face to face?  Could they possibly have hyped that a little more?  Were they expecting Jennifer to run at Angelina and pull her hair, or what?  As far as I'm concerned, she can have Brad.  That they're now touted as these wonderful parents is laughable.  I did think that Angelina adopting Maddox as a single woman was a cool choice-she clearly has means and has no doubt has given him a better life.  But, then she basically stole a married man and has been churning out babies since.  And are they even married?

6.  If Tatiana makes the top 12, I'm done with Idol.  That was a ratings ploy.  She is utterly ridiculous and should be completely embarassed.  That she made it to where she is and some other people didn't just plain isn't fair.  Her and the dude that walked off the stage in the middle of his Hollywood audition-did not get that.  Jason just pointed out that there's no question in here because he's reading over my shoulder as I type (my favorite thing). So here's a question, do you think the backup singers on Idol are bitter? 

7.  I had a really terrible moment with Harper this week.  She threw a fit worthy of a two year old in the library on Monday.  It was epic and really one of the most embarassing moments of my parenting life.  And I don't really get all that embarassed by my kids, I mean they're kids, what do you expect?  But this was awful.  I had to literally throw the books that Garrett had picked out on the reshelving cart and storm out with her flailing and screaming under my arm with Garrett trailing behind us also in tears because we didn't get his books.  On the way to the car, all I could think was "I hate you, I hate you, I can't even go to the friggin library"  (would you be a little impressed with me that I really thought the word "friggin" and not what it is a substitute for?).  Now I did not tell my daughter that I hated her, but I sure did think it.  I have had a very small amount of patience lately with both my kids and feel, on the whole, very put out with being a mom at present.  I try VERY hard not to show this to my children.  I know it's a phase and I know these feelings won't last, but is it bad that I thought "I hate you" about my own child?  I do not subscribe to mommy guilt, but I have felt very guilty about this incident all this week.  And not about anything I did or said to Harper, but what I thought.  Is that weird? 

8.  What, exactly, does bed rest mean?  My friend, who is expecting twins, has been put on it.  The babies are fine, her cervix has shortened, thus the bed rest.  But does that mean she can't put a plate in the dishwasher or sit at the computer?  Why is it that the very act of being forced to do something makes it awful?  Think about it.  If someone said to you for the next 12 weeks, lay around.  No work, no housework, no caring for your child, just fill your days with TV, books, magazines, and phone calls.  Doesn't that sound divine?  But call it bed rest and suddenly, it's not so enviable.  I guess there's a big difference between don't have to and can't.  As in, I don't have to cook supper or I can't cook supper.  I remember in the first few weeks of Garrett's life when I sat for an hour feeding him eight times a day, I longed to do housework.  Because I was trapped on the sofa, I wanted nothing more than to get up and clean the kitchen.  Say a prayer for Candy, this is going to be tough.  But I've been telling her all along, my motto for her pregnancy and life with twins is Home Depot's..."You can do it.  We can help."

9. How old are your children when taking a vacation with them is really a vacation and not just trying to play house without all your stuff?  Or is my idea of vacation just going to change?  And can you really call it a vacation if you pay $750 to sleep in the same bedroom as them for a week?  Granted, that bedroom is at the beach, but it's still just the one bedroom.  Can you tell I'm not all that jazzed about our week at the beach this summer?  I will tell you I'm excited about my sister-in-law and her husband bringing their Wii.  Then we can see if we really want to spend the money and get one.

10.  My husband rocks at his job.  He was told a couple of weeks ago that he was one of two top performers at his company.  He and the other guy were told they were getting the biggest raises of anyone in the company.  He found out today what that means specifically (because they didn't talk money when they told them the top performer thing).  It's fairly awesome.  And when you factor in the economy and the fact that people are losing their jobs all around us, it becomes almost miracle like.  He's going to be embarassed that I posted this.  He didn't even want to call his parents and tell them the top performer thing!  But he's given up on me and gone to bed, so I can!  I am so proud of him.  It is so fabulous to know that the people he works for see his awesomeness and are in a position to reward it.  Sorry, no question on this one, just a lot of pride.

Thanks for hanging in to the end and let me know if you have any answers.